C O N V E R G E

If there ever were a time I felt lost, it might be now. Even nearing the end of my college years–as late as they arrived. I have a feeling that it is something I’ve been dealing for the majority of my life and that is: momentum. I don’t intentionally lose it but, subconsciously I think I let things get in the way. Its probably the lack of riding that’s making this more difficult to think about it. Some times I just sit here, wondering why suddenly everything seems “turned off.” All the quiet moments in front of the computer rarely end in fruitless youTube videos–but the thoughts of doubt and worry close in like a smoke. Cigarette after cigarette; I have to remind myself of what I’ve done thus far, and how I plan to go further. Like I’m trying to calm a hysteric child with a simple “it’s okay.”

I often wonder if I have it in me. How much is this real–how much of this am I not willing to commit to? I’ll tell myself its not the time or the client/company/employer, but when is it ever? When will it all be good enough? Probably never.

Always in waves.