C O N V E R G E

Of my long list of failed attempts, misguided ideas and disappointments, I’ve always tried not to put myself in a situation that would allow me to repeat myself. I know being somewhat “infirm” I cannot help to make certain decisions, even if I’ve made them before. So often times I’ll steer clear of a path beforehand. Only indirectly is my hindsight non-existent. I can’t see similarities of the decisions I made that has gotten me to this point. I think I’ve learned how not to perpetuate a habit though, by at least cutting out the “enablers”. I feel stupid using that word but I guess it makes sense right now.

I have my plans to go to school and eventually lead to other steps from there. I think once I finish school I’ll definately feel some sort of accomplishment. At least dedicated three and a half years of my life to something. Even if it not that difficult. Then afterwards, I plan on jumping to the nearest opportunity I can find. If it means packing my bags again and leaving to another city then I’ll just have to do it. I think sometimes maybe coming back from Boston was a little too soon. I still feel at times I haven’t fully developed entirely. I mean, not that I find it neccessary to feel completely accomplished or whatever but sometimes I still feel like I’m in this phase between whatever and actually being an adult. It’s an odd depressing kind of feeling and it doesn’t entirely make a whole lot of sense to me either.

I don’t believe in destiny or fate by all means but I do believe a lot of good and great things just come to you “inexplicably and without method”. An idea, that feeling when you meet someone awesome. This stuff sometimes just clicks and fits instantly and just makes sense. Not that I don’t believe in working on problems or ironing out details. I just believe that most great things are almost instant and practically without thought. I think maybe nothing has ever been “instant” lately and has constantly been moving at a slow pace.

The new year is coming up though and I feel partially ready. It’s going to be weird to have a “schedule” again. Not like I’ve never had one but I haven’t been to school in a long ass time. I’ll be that older creepy guy with a bunch of kids. I bet I’m going to love that.